Isn't it ironic (I REALLY do think)

Yeah, that was a reference to a song by one of the best female artists around, Alanis Morrisette. She REALLY hits home with some of her lyrics. So back to the topic at hand... I stopped taking the new blood pressure medicine (a selective beta blocker) because it slowed me down, my endurance took a hit, and off the record "MR Happy" was out to lunch - THERE I said it... So it was a rough couple of days when I stopped the medicine because your body freaks! when it gets accustomed to having a chemical inside it and is functioning according to what the medicine is supposed to do. Then came Saturday's time trial effort test on my 20 mile hilly loop. Last week while on the med, I did it in 1:07. Saturday morning albeit cooler temps, 57 minutes. No doubt the meds slow me down. Then came Sundays race. Something called the Muddy Buddy.  You ever have a race where you simply run and or ride in "the zone"? I was there. Yeah, it was a challenging race, but I floated thru it. We took 3rd place in our division. We were on the podium :) Theres no question I couldn't have done it at that level while on the medication. I've got some serious pros and cons to consider... Peace of mind, or athletic performance. I'm not in any health crisis so to speak, its got more to do with "curbing my enthusiasm" for lack of a better term.- I'm high strung and yeah emotional. So was the great race my swan song, or was it God's hint that the FCKING GREAT feelings you get from a spot on athletic performance is God's way of telling me to take the harder road and nix the meds, and make other somewhat harder choices to gain better health, and calmness? Not sure what to do. On one hand I DO want my BP to be lower and not a concern, I also don't want to be so strung out and frustrated thanks to a stressfull career as an IT director, with the additional challenge of kids! LOL I love them but yeah, it can be challenging. On the other hand, I LOVE performing well, and for better or worse some of my personal importance and charachter is based on my athletic endeavors. So I can't have both, and they are both important to me. SO since I don't know what to do, I am throwing my hands in the air, and letting go of this situatiion for now. God I HOPE your read my blog and either give me a sign or send me a messenger. At any rate the race was fun, I was very pleased with our performance, and the podium finish was a blessing for so many reasons at such an interesting time of my life. The team name? " Ray Loves Anne"  YEAH thats the name of my "long time personal manager" and she has NEVER been on a podium -EVER. As a matter of fact her first race when we first got together she finished last...  What a great day for us. If there is one thing I've learned over the last year it's the fact that I get more satisfaction giving back by helping others get better in the arena of sport - be it leading our new running group, or my continued quest to help my LPM improve as an athlete and most recently get on a podium :) It seems like it's not about me anymore, and I don't need to be the fastest to continue that road...  or do I?!
perplexed for sure
Allez
Ray