Wednesday, March 10, 2010

48 hours gives you a lot of time for reflection...

So yeah... I've been down and out with the flu, and with not being able to do anything other than stare at the ceiling or mindlessly at the TV for 2 and a half days,  it gave my mind PLENTY of time to reflect on a WHOLE bunch of topics. Without typing pages and pages of stuff I thought I would touch on the one that hit home the most. OK I rarely get sick, and when it's the flu it all but kills me. This time around it came after a harder longer ride, and to be honest I was scared that it wasn't the flu. I thought my body was reacting to the training in a negative way, and I was in the beginning phases of a legitimate health scare. You see a number of years ago I encountered a legitimate health scare and it was the single most scary thing I've ever experienced in my life. To this day it lingers in the quiet recesses of my mind.... So I'm thinking it's poor diet?, its a heart ailment due to some hereditary issues? It's the fact  I'm in my 40's, and jumping back into intense training after all these years and my body can't handle it and I'm bringing on my demise with the focus and determination that sop many athletes have toward training? Something that due to some issue in the past is going to do me in? To be honest, I was "running scared" (well "staring at the walls" scared). Could my previous indescretions at living well be dooming me? Was I in for a downfall as scary as I experienced a number of years ago? Having all this internal chatter going on when you can hardly get thru the day because of weakness, and illness puts one on the losing side of controlling one's Mitote. Then came the thinking thru the currenty career issues, but we're not going there today. So anyway, shame on me but I was somewhat relieved when one of my boys had to stay home from school today because they've come down with the flu bug. I guess I'm doing alright outside of being sick, I just have to get my strenght back. That and follow thru on a couple diet ideas, even some lifestyle (read that stress management) areas as well. NOT that "the voice" isn't hiding in the recesses of my mind...  DAMN that FLU

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